Managing Conflict
Establishing and Rebuilding Trust
When conflicts happen, it damages the trust in that relationship. When trust is broken, productivity, mood and cooperation will also be affected. This will also lead to stress and more conflict, which creates a cycle of conflict and mistrust.
Trust is how credible and reliable you think the person is in the task the person is doing and how close you are with that person. The more you think the person is credible or reliable and the closer you are with the person, the more you would trust the person.
Also, if you think the person is doing things to benefit themselves will also affect your trust in them. If you think the person is acting on self-interest, you will probably not trust the person as much.
Think about this in your conflicts. Do you think the other person is credible and reliable? How close are you to the person? At the same time, how do you think the other person sees you?
So how do we communicate in a way that builds trust?
Here are some strategies you can try to help rebuild that trust and resolve the conflict.
1. Addressing/ Approaching Conflict
One of the hardest parts about trying to resolve conflict is taking the first step and choosing to be the bigger person to try to bridge that awkward gap in the relationship that was caused by the conflict.
A. Approach the conflict objectively
a. You do not have to deny your values or interests, reach an unwise agreement, or tolerate abuse. Stay in control of yourself and your feelings and you will be able to think more clearly and then properly resolve the conflict from there.
B. Approach the conflict calmly
a. Dealing with conflicts effectively means avoiding actions that may cause you or the person to act in anger.
b. When you feel anger building. Take a deep breath and calmly think and assess the situation before responding. This will help you think more clearly and not let emotions cloud your judgement.
2. Responding during the conflict
a. After you have approached the conflict it is likely the other person may respond negatively such as provide criticism. However, you must not let these behaviours affect you. Try these strategies during these situations.
A. Assume Positive Intent
a. You choose how you react to issues. So try choosing to assume that the other person means well. Many times when we are faced with conflicts, we automatically assume negativity from the other person (likely due to the broken trust). But when you assume positivity from them, it gives you a whole new perspective on the conversation.
i. Instead of reading too much into it (assuming “the person is too busy”, or “the person is purposely attacking me”), assume the other has positive intent and is trying to help in his/her own way.
ii. Instead of jumping to conclusions, assuming positive intent can help put your mind at ease.
B. Look for opportunities in each conflict.
a. When someone is giving you criticism, do not personalise it, but rather try to look for ways those criticisms can help benefit both you and the other person.
i. Allow the other person to fully express her criticisms. This will allow you to understand the person’s concerns and allow you to act to take it as constructive criticism and use it to improve yourself.
C. Avoid “You” Language
a. When responding to criticism or giving feedback. You should avoid coming off as “blaming” the other person.
b. When you use “You” language. You put the focus of the issue on the other person. This would make them feel attacked, which can cause even more conflict.
Example of “You” language:
You did not inform me about these changes. You don’t trust me. Instead, try using “I” or “We” language. This puts the focus on yourself or the group and how these scenarios affect you or the group.
Example of I / We language:
I / We were not informed about these changes. I feel that you don’t trust me.
Additional Conflict Management Strategies
1. Avoiding Conflict Landmines
When dealing with conflicts you must avoid actions that may cause you or the other party to act aggressively.
Do not respond in anger. Take a deep breath and calmly think and assess the situation before responding. Acting in anger will likely make things worse.
2. Achieve workplace goals
Managing conflict does not happen in a personal vacuum. It is important to note that the way you choose to resolve conflicts may affect your workplace as a whole.
When dealing with conflicts be sure to keep the goals and missions of your organisation in mind. This will help you find mutual ground to work on with the other person.
3. Understand where you stand in this conflict
In most cases, both sides in a conflict hold some control over the outcome. However, sometimes this just isn’t the case. There will be times where you have no control over the outcome.
a. You have to understand where you stand in your conflicts and how much control you have over the situation. For example, your request for a raise in salary was denied because your boss has the final say to whether or not you get a raise or not.
i. In these situations it is best to simply accept what the final outcome was and move on.
4. Getting a third opinion.
a. Do not be afraid to involve a third party to help resolve the conflict. It is advisable to seek help from a colleague or a supervisor.
i. When people are in conflict, emotions and feelings cloud their judgments. Because of this, it is very difficult to view the situation clearly and objectively.
ii. Having another person (who was not involved) give their point of view from a neutral position can help defuse and manage the conflict occurring.
Click here to visit Naluri’s Understanding Conflict article to learn more.
