In a survey conducted by the Malaysian Ministry of Health in 2019, findings show that the national prevalence of depression in Malaysian adults is 2.3% - that’s about half a million people. Despite these numbers, some people are still finding it hard to seek help and be open about their struggles with mental health.

This rings especially true for men as studies show that men are more likely to underreport symptoms of depression compared to women. An overwhelming number of men also do not disclose their emotional distress to their physicians.

The problem here is this: men’s unwillingness to speak is literally killing them.

With the ongoing pandemic further compromising mental health, the number of suicide deaths has seen a significant increase since the outbreak of the virus. While it is reported that women have a higer tendency to attempt suicide, the rate of men actually going through with it is 3 to 5 times greater than that of women.

Why is it so hard for men to speak up?

Traditional gender stereotypes are a top culprit. Gender norms are a range of behaviors and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for a person based on that person's biological or perceived sex. They are shaped by society, culture, and religion and they all play a part in creating the ‘ideal’ that many men feel pressured to conform to. While gender norms vary from culture to culture, generally speaking, men who are physically strong or imposing, financially independent, and who hold positions of power are most admired.

For men who conform to gender norms or stereotypes, this is not a problem. But for men who do not, the repercussions are grave. When expressing emotion or showing vulnerability is considered a weakness, men are less likely to seek help when they struggle. The result is often paralysing self-reliance and enormous pressure to shoulder their burdens on their own as well as the possible descent into a vicious spiral of anxiety, depression and self-loathing.

With such ideas being put into place and internalised, it’s no wonder why men find it difficult to seek help when they’re facing problems, much less mental health problems. All these stereotypes only make it harder for them to get the professional help that they may desperately need.

Words perpetuate stereotypes

“Man up”, “Don’t be a girl”, “Big boys don’t cry”.

These are common, seemingly innocent statements used to prop people up and give them a boost to show support in the form of ‘tough love’. But what they really are are demeaning, condescending statements that carry long-lasting negative effects, particularly on boys and men, because the subtext of those statements is:

If you do not fulfill certain standards, then you are not a real man.

This narrative becomes even more harmful when comparisons are made between boys and girls. Belittling boys for “acting like a girl,” paints the picture that girls are somehow inferior to boys, and so-called ‘feminine traits’ such as being emotional, non-confrontational or sensitive are to be avoided for fear of seeming weak and lesser than other men.

These pressures force men to put on a facade; to appear put together, stoic, self-reliant and strong, even when they are not— to the detriment of their mental health.

Studies on the effect of masculine norms on the psyche of college men reveal that masculine norms are consistently and strongly correlated with poorer mental health and lower probability of seeking psychological help.

Raising Awareness

The good news is, gender stereotypes are beginning to shift, but the process is slow. For example, studies show that younger people in Malaysia no longer place an emphasis on physical strength as a sign of masculinity. Instead, emotional intelligence has become a coveted trait.

Mental health issues have also become less taboo, with more people finding the courage to open up about their struggles. It does help that famous male celebrities have used their platforms to speak about their own mental health as a step to encourage others to be more open about their own personal battles. Traditionally masculine men like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Michael Phelps have shared their experiences with depression, while actors Chris Evans and Ryan Reynolds have opened up about dealing with anxiety. Even Prince Harry has spoken about his struggle with his mental health in the wake of his mother’s passing.

End the Stigma

While all this is a step in the right direction, more initiative must be taken from the ground up. From workplaces to households, everyone must play their part in breaking the stigma around men’s mental health.

In the workplace

Male employers in the workplace are encouraged to open up about their personal struggles with mental health and to be honest about their own fears and concerns. When employers allow themselves to be vulnerable with their team, it sends a powerful message: that employees are not alone in experiencing moments of weakness or hardship, and that being open about struggles is not a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of strength.

It takes great courage to admit shortcomings and to rely on others in times of need.

At home

Parents must take great care in the way that their children, particularly boys, from the language they use to the examples that they set.

Parents should avoid forcing boys to conform to a narrow definition of what a man should be, and allow them to experience and express the full extent of their emotions without accusations of being “too emotional,” or “too sensitive”. By teaching boys that it is OK to seek out others for advice and talk about their feelings when things get tough, it is more likely that they’ll do the same later on even in adulthood.

“ No man is an island entire of itself; ”

-John Donne

In the spirit of the month of November and its significance in bringing up awareness on men’s health, we at Naluri encourage you to check in on the men in your life. Lend them your understanding and your compassion, and if they seem unwilling to open up at first, do not feel discouraged. The last thing you should do is force them to open up before they're even ready. Make it known that you are there as a form of support and comfort, and be patient. These things take time after all.

For practical tips on how best to support your friend or colleague in their time of need, check out this article on how to reach out to someone who you think is struggling.

We understand that opening up to your loved ones at first might be difficult to do. Naluri offers cost-effective, in-your-pocket support and coaching from clinical psychologists for individuals who are in need of support and advice.

For more information on how we can help, please contact hello@naluri.life or download the Naluri app today.

Breaking the Stigma Surrounding Men's Mental Health